Still Counting
by phakno
Summary: /Sasuke&Sakura\ In which crotch-less panties are NOT the ideal anniversary present.


**Still Counting  
><strong>_[I don't own Naruto, unfortunately]_

"Counting all the assholes in the room!" His perch on the bar, hand in the air, enthusiastic crowd—"Well I'm definitely not alone!" –he was a king with his pawns. "I'm not alone."

The blonde and the pineapple accompanied him, each intoxicated on their own drug of choice.

"You're a liar," point, "you're a cheater," point s'more, "you're a fool!" They screamed for the lack of justice in his statements, they screamed because they were no different. "Well that's just like me-ooo!" A fellow next to him waved his mug in the air, spilling a miniscule amount of his ale onto the sticky floor. "And I know you too—" The rest of Friday night's regulars screamed with a drunken grin on their faces, glad for the personal entertainment to get them through said asshole-qualities.

"Mr. Perfect don't exist my little friend!" Uzumaki was up now, that boy who came in the doors not an hour ago proclaiming his spot as Hokage. "And I'll tell you that again-" cheeks red with mirth, "-and I'll do it again!"

"Counting all the assholes in the room!" When the chicken-haired guy swiped his accusing finger across the crowd they raised their hands, and when he did it a second time, they followed nonetheless. "Well I'm definitely not alone!" Smiles bred off of booze, nothing more than mistakes on a drunken night half spent arguing with the misses; every last one of them. "I'm not alone."

He barely acknowledged the cat calls behind him as he plopped down in his seat, taking the kudos generously from the two men he so callously called his friends. A bottle was sent sliding down the wood into his hands with the bartender at the giving side of the exchange. "That was fun teme!" Whiskey was heavily laced with his breath, disgustingly coinciding with his dorky looks. "We should do that again!"

In all honesty he didn't know exactly what he was doing, just a whim of his misguided feelings, not to mention his heavy consumption of alcohol. Sure, he was an asshole, apparently buying your girlfriend crotch-less panties for your one-year anniversary was just _obscured_; in which case she threw him out for the night, deeming him his admittance back into his _own _house when she was good and ready to let him back in.

Asshole fer sure.

"Oi, you know this is all _your _fault Nara."

"How's that, moron?"

"It _was _you're idea for the present." He glared over Sasuke's beer to Shikamaru, narrowing his eyes like a pouting child. "Teme here was fine with the idea of a nice, fancy, expensive dinner but no. You had to ruin that with your obnoxious sex drive."

"Uchiha is a grown man you idiot," he seethed right back at the blonde, his daring eyes zooming right past the real victim of the situation, "he didn't have to take my suggestion if he didn't want to, besides, what the _hell_ would you know about sex drive? Last time I checked, you need a dick to have one."

"!" Speechless, even Sasuke couldn't keep from grinning at Nara's snarky sarcasm. Naruto was just too dumbfounded to even catch the next insult headed his way.

"Moron says what?"

"What!"

The pineapple had taken too much of his own antics, he reared his head back and released a hearty laugh, barely noticing the stares of a few strangers around him and not giving one damn. So caught up in his own comedy he didn't catch two bare hands reaching for his neck and two others gripping his shoulder. Before Naruto had a chance to strangle the bastard, Sasuke pulled him back single handedly and pushed Shikamaru a few feet away to distance the intender and his victim.

"Knock it off. Both of you." He spoke through his teeth, finding no patience left to deal with drunken fools. "Enjoy the rest of your drinks on me," he silently placed a stack of bills on the bar, "I'm going home." The remaining males watched him walk away before grinning a fierce grin to each other, both knowing full well that Sasuke didn't count his money before he set it down and they could indulge on their favorite beverages during his absence.

Uchiha felt no need to walk home, his body was tired, he wanted sleep, even if it meant the couch, it was sleep nonetheless. After disappearing in a whirl of leaves and dirt he appeared outside his sliding room door, finding no use in trying the front if she had already locked it. _Counting all the assholes in the room…_ he solely raised his hand, almost smiling at remembrance of the nights prior activities. In his haze he hadn't noticed the shuffling inside his room, nor did he catch a discarded box on the carpet not seven feet away from him, a little pink bow on the top…

"Sasuke-kun?" He lazily blinked, ill advising his vision to believe Sakura standing stark naked in front of him. Drunkenly he looked her up and down, noticing the one cloth on her was that present she didn't appreciate. That one piece of lingerie that she kicked him out for, the whole reason he hadn't been whisking her away in his sex-crazed-anniversary over and over again. It took him a few seconds to regain a minimal two-legged balance, heavily breathing down on her before she dissipated his alcoholic side effects with a short glow of her hand. Immediately he livened up, allowing his jaw to drop slightly at pure sight of his 'innocent' Sakura.

"Happy anniversary Sasuke-kun…"

That was all he needed to hear.

These characters are insanely OOC when drunk.  
>Too-much-fun.<br>Any-who! Inspired by 'Friends' & making Valentine's Day [anniversary] presents.  
>Please review!<p>

whitexgodess


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